Sunday, November 22, 2009
It's crazy how I feel
In every moment
Of your love...
It's amazing how I became
because of you
And your love
Every nerve of me
Every part of me
All over me
You control me
If I smile...
It is because you made me smile
If I cry...
It is because you made me cry
You draw the happiness in my life
And wipe off the sadness of my heart
You control me
Every part of me
Don't leave me
Like an untique puppet on the shelf
Dusty, gloomy, and unwanted
And make me smile
And don't make me cry
because I love you
Bring the soul to my dead body
And make me smile
Because I love you
I love you...
Monday, November 9, 2009
Excuse me everybody!
Actually, I do not need to be excused!
He is everybody
and I do not care about the rest of the world
I am writing him a love letter
and I mean every single word
My baby... I'll write after the greetings
Do you know what you mean to me?
Do you really know?
I'll say it in front of everybody
I'll slam the door and go
You mean earth to me
You mean heaven to me
My life and eternity
My purity and chastity
My wishs and my prayers
My warmth and my flares
My joy and laughter
My before and after
You mean everything...everything to me!
because you are my identity
I say it with dignity
I'll keep my Loyality
until you come back to me
You mean everything to me
Monday, October 26, 2009
A promise has been made
With true feelings
Will stay together
with all meanings
I said goodbye
but not forever
I still have the hope
flowing like a river
You will be back
Here for me...
You will be back
Yes, you promised me
regardless of the goodbye
regardless of the travel
You will be back for me
Will stay together
Because I love you so much
I love you forever...
Saturday, October 10, 2009
In every temple...
There is a God
Today, I was the only Goddess
In your temple...
So, Love me
How much I need to be worshiped
Kiss me ...
Make "I love you" your daily prayer
Let your heart hum a hymn
A hymn of promise
I am your only Goddess
Do not convert!
and break my sculpture
You will not turn me into little pieces
because without you
I was pieces
And with you...
I am complete
Please, keep me
In your temple
A Goddess forever
And I will bless you
with the eternal love
I love you forever...
Thursday, September 3, 2009
It was a cold morning in September, when she woke up with full energy. She was smiling, and singing. She jumped off her bed to take a shower and get ready for the day. Today wasn’t a normal day for her. Today wasn’t like any other day. Today was her first date.
She met him randomly on the street. They exchanged smiles and looks, which lead them to exchange phone numbers. They text messaged each other and enjoyed many nights of talking over the phone. Phone calls were not enough, therefore; he decided to invite her for lunch. “It is going to be our first date; even though I hate to say the word date!” He messaged her. “It is going to be our first meeting. I am a romantic guy and you will be happy with me!” That was his second message.
“Oh, I am so happy!” She told herself as she was getting dressed. Her curly black hair was covering her forehead and part of her left eye. Her black jeans and her floral sleeveless shirt made her look like a model that you may see on fashion magazines’ covers. After getting dressed, she thought of messaging him, but she thought it may be rude to tell him that she is ready for the first date, so she kept the excitement for herself. “He maybe …” Inside her mind, she thought “He will bring me some flowers...my favorite flowers.”
She ran out of the train station, rushing to her destination. It supposed to be nine minutes walk, however; she made them three only. Because of her happiness, she was jumping on the street. She was smiling to everybody. The beggar in the street, the souvenir seller, and the man who wanted to flirt with her, they all had the blessing of her smile. Finally, she reached the restaurant.
She stood by the door while giving herself a hug. She was watching the people randomly passing by her. Some of them looked at her with a smile. Others gave her a serious look, and some appreciated her beauty with a shiny look. There, she was standing like a flower in the breeze; waiting for the water to reach her roots.
Twelve noon, five passed twelve, ten passed twelve and fifteen passed twelve; the water didn’t reach her roots yet. She looked inside the restaurant; “maybe he is inside!” she thought. “Oh, maybe he is parking his car somewhere. Downtown is such a busy place!” Another thought. Her eyes looked for him between the cars. They were like two kids chasing each other carelessly on the street. They ran around the block and among the people on the street. They pushed every man and looked at him; hoping to find him. They returned to her with empty hands.
Finally, she decided to pick up the phone and text message him. “Are you coming?” she asked with wonder. Thirty second later, a reply came, “Sorry! I totally forgot! I am busy with work!” She looked up at the cloudy sky. Then she moved her gaze to the restaurant’s door. She smiled and she walked away.
Mixed feelings! She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. She wasn’t sure if she should keep her smile on her face or she should bury her face in the sidewalk; right there, where people are stepping and leaving. She asked herself, “Am I sad?” She walked along the narrow sidewalk, going to the unknown. “I believe I am embarrassed!” she answered! She bought herself a coffee from the nearest café. She sat outside and pulled a cigarette. She kept watching the smoke fly away. It reminded her of an occurrence where happiness was giant, and slowly started to fade; just like this smoke. It was slowly leaving her mouth and getting lost in the air.
A couple passed by her side. They were holding hands and walking with energy. She looked at those fingers. They were tight against each other; a perfect representation of closeness and attachment. She wished if she finds the same hand holding hers. She yearned for those fingers against hers. “How beautiful is to be in love!” She thought with sorrow. At the other corner, those young couple were sitting having pizza. They probably bought it from the slice for a dollar place. It was a cheap lunch but expensive moment. Those eyes were smiling to each other with every bite. This love between the two may not be found at a five stars French restaurant. “People run after money, forgetting that true feelings will make them richer at heart.” She thought to herself. “To have a smile from a person, who loves me for real, equals million dollars.” She continued. “I never seek for money. I have been always seeking love!”
Suddenly, she woke up from her thoughts, when the ashes of her cigarette fell on her black jeans. She pushed the ashes away in a tapping motion. She lifted her head up to look at the chair in front of her. The chair was empty. Oh, she was alone!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
I'll be waiting
On the same bench
Right where you left me
I'll be watching the airplanes
You are on one of them
Coming back to me
To tell me
What you didn't tell me
I'll watch them fly
I'll wave goodbye
remembering the moment
when you were flying high
On the same bench
Right where you left me
I am still waiting
I am still hoping
You stopped flying high
You are coming back to me
down from the sky...
Earth now is heaven!
Stop flying high!
Come back to me
We just said Hi
Why you are leaving me?
I sat on the same bench again
Right where we were sitting
I am watching the airplanes
Hoping for your coming!
Stop flying high!
Say I am coming!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
It felt like a love story
When we first have met
The only word we said was sorry
and nothing had happened yet!
And it was only a while
When I saw your blue eyes following me
You had a wonderful gentle smile
and I wondered who could this man be
With a mannish voice, you said hi!
I could see the interest in your eyes
beautiful moment happened between you and I
Like a summer rose, my heart got butterflies!
Ooops, I believe It is Love!
This man is holding me above!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Who needs words?
We had the best word in the world
We had an eye contact
Do we need a Language?
We had a common language
We had an eye contact
Our eyes huged
Laughed with each other
Kissed with love
Like a baby and a mother...
Don't tell me this is stupidity
We had the best moment in this world
We had an eye contact
We don't know each other
We haven't seen one another
But, when an eye meets an eye...
Makes your heart fly
Don't tell me this is a lie
It is the eye contact!
The moments last only few seconds
We left each other without
A second look
Keeping the eye contact
Like a flower in a book
will last forever
between the pages of my life
No, Don't tell me it's just a look
It's the eye contact
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Break the Fence...
Since when love knows barriers?
Open the door...
Let the feelings in your heart speak to me
I know you do
and I do love you too...
So, why these barriers?
Don't tell me the people arounds us
With jealousy surrounding us...
We do not want to risk...
Oh, let us risk...
Since when love knows barriers?
Oh, let us do...
Say I love you too
behind the broken barriers...
I don't care who is around
As long as we found
Love without barriers
So, speak to me
How much you love me...
Yes, I do ...
I love you too
Oh, How pretty...
Love without barriers
Saturday, July 25, 2009
“How glad the many millions of Timothys and Williams
To capture me…”
She was an active girl. She was full of joy and full of dreams. Despite her financial problems, she managed to register for couple of courses at the community college, and practice her daily Yoga lessons. She shouldn’t be called careless; rather, you should be calling her optimistic. Her name was Nancy, and she was in her early twenties. She left her home town when she was nineteen in order to seek out a new life. What kind of life she was seeking out? Even she couldn’t answer this question. All she cared about was to look for joy, love and laugh.
When she realized that her saved up money were running out, she decided to look for a job. Because she had a voice as beautiful as her tanned face, she was able to find a job as a singer in one of the jazz clubs in town. Jazz wasn’t something new for her. Her mother used to be an alto saxophone player; the Jazz beat was very common in the house.
Neither the Jazz club wasn’t quit big, nor was it busy. There were few tables in the hall, a small bar at the corner and of course the band’s stage. Every night, people from around the town used to come over to the jazz club in order to listen to some music and have couple of drinks. There were some familiar faces, and other new faces. The workers at the club weren’t many. The band was made out of a saxophonist, a pianist and a drummer. A bar tenders, a cook, and two waitresses were the other staff.
The club’s band used to play plain Jazz music, therefore; the owner of the club realized that he may spice up the club by adding a female singer to the band; maybe more costumers would show up. So, after three days of interviews, Bob, the owner of the club, chose Nancy to be the singer. He paid her an acceptable salary that covers most of her expenses. Plus, she shared the tip with the other employees.
As Bob figured out, more costumers started to show up as Nancy started to sing some Jazz favorites such as “At Last”, “Mad about the boy”, and more. Bob was very happy, that after one month, he decided to give Nancy a raise and hired a third waitress.
Nancy started her work at eight o’clock in the Evening, and finished by one in the morning. First two hours is taken for preparing what to sing and rehearsing some tones. Then, the live music starts at ten o’clock.
It was a rainy night in September, when Nancy got off the bus covering her head with her black rain coat. The noise of her high heals were loud as she entered the jazz club. She noticed a new face among the waitresses, so she walked to her with a smile saying: “Good evening, I am Nancy and I am the lousy singer here at this club.” The waitress chuckled and commented, “I do not think you are lousy. I heard from co-workers that your voice is as beautiful as you are. Nice to meet you! I am Veronica.” Nancy smiled while saying, “Oh, Thank you! This is so sweet of you. Nice to meet you too Veronica! I have to go now to start preparing for the night. However, I’ll see you around.”
Nancy rushed to the backstage and greeted the band with a loud voice, “Hello, Are you guys ready? I think tonight we are going to practice the same songs that we sang last week. Since many costumers were happy with them, especially those senior citizens.” The saxophonists replied, “Yes, those senior citizens know what jazz really is. They lived the golden age.” Nancy said with a smile, “Let’s make this night another golden age night. Let the music begin!”
On the stage, Nancy was wearing a short black dress that exposes her shoulders. It was tight enough to express her slender body. A golden heart pendant was around her neck. The music started with the famous song by Etta James, “At Last”. The rhythm was so good that made Nancy closes her eyes and let her memories take her back to her home town, where her mother used to play this melody on her saxophone. Nancy opened her eyes to glance at the end of the hall, where there was a small table at the corner with one chair. There was a tall middle aged man sitting there. He was wearing a long black coat and a black hat. He was holding a cane in his hand. He had deep blue eyes. His eyes were so blue that Nancy could see the reflection of the light in them. His overall look reminded Nancy of the 1950s movies.
This charming man was staring at Nancy with love and peace. His eyes were full of hope. They were full of joy and Nancy could see the future between them. She sang her second, third and fourth song, and he was still looking at her without even blinking. Nancy tried to move her gaze away, but each time she looked back at him, he was staring right back at her. She felt shy, and she felt weird. She has never had anybody staring at her like that. It is true that she is pretty and she gets occasional looks from guys. However, this man was different. He spent the whole night looking at her, while he didn’t order anything to drink or to eat. All what Veronica was serving him was water. Even when he was drinking his water, he was staring at Nancy.
The Next day Nancy woke up around 11 o’clock in the morning, practicing her daily Yoga and running around the park. She passed by the bank to pay some bills and went to the Library to borrow some books. She has totally forgotten about the man with black hat. She considered him just like any other costumer who wanted to waste his time.
In the evening, Nancy came to work wearing her little black dress and her high heels shoes. She greeted Veronica saying, “How’s work?” Veronica smiled and replied, “Very good, Bob is a good boss. Last night was my first night in the club and he did me a huge favor.” Nancy commented while she was heading to the backstage, “Oh yeah, he is a kind heart man.” Nancy went to the backstage and started her rehearsal with the rest of the band.
At ten o’clock, Nancy was on stage. The music started and she was ready to sing “Whatever Lola wants” when she saw the same man with the black hat and blue eyes sitting in the same spot looking at her. Every thing was the same, same looks, same corner, and same clothes. Nancy was singing as she was staring back at him. At first, she felt weird, but after a while, the man smiled while he was looking at her. The smile was very innocent and very peaceful that made Nancy smile back at him. As she was singing, she felt her heart was beating quickly. He is still looking at her without a blink. Is it possible that this man has a crush on her? Many thoughts came to Nancy’s mind as she was singing. She didn’t know what she was saying anymore, all she knew was these deep blue eyes are looking at her.
Nancy finished her last song around quarter to one in the morning, and she went to the backstage, as she is required by her boss. Bob always wanted to be protective about Nancy, so; he didn’t want any conversations between her and the costumers after the show. Most likely, he was avoiding business offers from competitors. So, as she went backstage and grabbed her purse, the man left the Jazz club. Nancy came out to see if the man with the black hat was still there, but he left already.
Nancy woke up in the next morning. She was tired and feeling dizzy because she spent the whole night thinking of this man with the black hat who entered her heart with his peaceful smile and his deep blue eyes. As she was meditating in her bachelor apartment, an idea popped up in her mind. What if she tells him in a song that she starts feeling the same way that he does? Maybe, she is to sing a meaningful song with few actions, such as pointing at him. Nancy thought of herself as a genius because this is the only way to start a small conversation on the stage since Bob doesn’t allow interaction with costumers during the show.
Nancy jumped off the floor and ran to one of the boxes on the shelves. She grabbed it and pulled out some records that used to belong to her mother. As she was looking through them, she found a record with “I’ve got a crush on you” title. Nancy jumped and put the record on. She heard the song to the end and thought that this is the song that will express her feelings toward the black hat man.
At seven thirty, Nancy was at the Jazz club. She rushed to the back stage and stood up in front of the band with a big smile. She was wearing a grey dress with a wide belt around the waist. Nancy opened her mouth widely saying, “I’ve got a crush on you!” the band members started to look at each other in wonder. Nancy smiled and said, “What do you guys think of this song?” The pianist mumbled, “My wife used to sing this song for me all the time. I have good memories with this song.” Nancy commented, “Perfect! Then let’s make it our last song of tonight’s show. I mean, since tonight is going to be the last show night for this week, we should make it special.” The saxophonist said, “I agree!” Nancy said, “Ok! Let’s begin!”
Nancy was on the stage, Singing and performing with eyes full of joy. The man with the black hat was giving her this deep look. Without a single blink he used to look at her. Some occasional smiles were coming from his side, and Nancy used to smile back. She was singing and each song made her heart full of a ticklish feeling that she used to feel for the first time.
It was around twelve thirty when Nancy signaled the rest of the band to start the special song. The piano started with a soft melody followed by Nancy’s voice singing:
“How glad the many millions
Of Timothys and Williams
To capture me
But you had such persistence
You wore down my resistance
And it was swell
You're my big and brave and handsome Romeo
How I won you I will never never know
It's not that you're attractive
But oh my heart grew active
When you came into view”
Nancy pointed at the black hat man and sang in a loud voice, “I’ve got a crush on you…” She was rocking her body while opening and closing her eyes. The man with the black hat kept smiling as he was watching her. His deep blue eyes were shinning along with the stage lightings. They were filling Nancy’s heart with this ticklish feeling, and were making her full of joy.
As soon as the song finished, Nancy ran to the backstage and grabbed her purse and wore her coat in a hurry. She met Bob in her way, so he asked her in wonder, “where are you going, Nancy?” Nancy said as she was exiting the backstage, “I’ll be back Bob, Ok?” Nancy ran to the hall, but she did not find the black hat man on the table. So, she decided to go out and look for him since it hasn’t been a long time since she left the stage. She felt crazy for a moment, but she thought that she would at least ask him why he keeps looking at her.
Nancy went out to the sidewalk. She was looking right and left for the black hat man, but she couldn’t find him. Suddenly, she noticed Veronica across the street, it was Veronica’s back and she was holding the black hat man. They were both walking fast. Nancy felt her head is full of questions, When, where who, why, what, and how, were all over her mind. Therefore, she decided to yell Veronica’s name in the street. Veronica did not hear her. Nancy yelled two more times, but Veronica was walking along with the black hat man. Nancy was inpatient to wait for next week and ask Veronica about the black hat man, so she decided to run after her. Nancy yelled Veronica’s name for the third time.
This time Veronica turned around when she heard the sound of the slamming breaks. Veronica saw a black Jeep stopping in the middle of the street while Nancy was lying down in the middle of the street, around 3 meters away from the Jeep. Veronica was shocked, so she left the black hat man and ran toward the accident. At this time, many people gathered around Nancy. Bob also showed up in the scene. He grabbed Nancy’s head and put on his thigh. Veronica asked in fear, “What happened?” Nancy’s face was covered with blood and her eyes were blinking continuously as her body was shaking. Bob answered in a horrified voice, “I do not know. She said she will be back…Veronica, I called 911, will you be with her?” Veronica looked at him with sorrow while saying, “My father is with me. You know, he can’t see or hear. I really should be with him since I have no place to keep him. However, as soon as I find someone who can take care of him, I’ll go to the hospital.”
At this moment, Nancy looked at Veronica with eyes wide open; then, she moved her gaze to the black hat man in the background. She looked up in the air and smiled while she was closing her eyes slowly…
Thursday, July 23, 2009
They say love doesn’t come to you. You are the one who has to go out and search for your love.
I would like to think otherwise.
Love is actually with us; even if we are alone, trapped within four walls. It will stay with us until our last breath.
My name is Sally. My age is a middle age; twenty five, thirty five or maybe forty five. Maybe I am younger and maybe I am older. Does age really matter when it comes to love? I don’t think so. I lived a life of an orphan even though I came from a big family. However, since my childhood, I’ve always been alone. As if destiny is giving me the indications that even your end will remain the same.
I used to play with my dolls and I used to have conversations with them. They also used to talk to me and keep me in company. I had my own world that I did not need anybody from the real world to interact with. Yes, my parents were concerned about me. I’ve been sent to different physiologists, but their sessions haven’t changed anything about my life. I did not care about what they used to tell my parents. I am happy the way I am; so, why should I bother.
My school days did not change me. Despite my loneliness, I was clever in school. I used to get a high grade in every subject and I used to get awards every year. These awards were like morphine shots to my parents. They slowly started to forget about my loneliness, hoping that I am changing slowly and they never bothered after awhile.
After I finished school, it was time to look for a job and with all these awards; it was easy to find a job. I found an average office work which allowed me to move out and to complete my loneliness. At work, my speech was limited to work related conversations. No other type of communication with my co-workers was possible, no friendships. It was a total isolation.
Even though I used to over-hear the gossip about me at work, I used to ignore them. There were many rumors about me. However, the most common one was that I spent most of my life in the psychiatric unit at one of the hospitals in town. Of course, that was not true. These rumors did not affect my work, because all my bosses were pleased with my hard effort. So, let the rumors go to hell.
My life remained the same until one day when the ambulance picked me up from my apartment. I was missing for three days and one of my bosses called the police to find out what happened to me since I was not been at work lately, and they did not have any information about me. The police found me down on the floor beside my sofa after they broke my apartment’s door. I do not remember what happened exactly and when did I fall down, but the police found me bleeding through my nose and my ears. Therefore, paramedics took me to the nearest hospital.
I was half-conscious when the nurse placed the IV on my arm and the oxygen mask on my face. Another nurse was using my other arm to take blood samples. I have realized where I was the moment I started to become aware of what is happening around me, however; I did not know why I was there. There were so many voices around me and blurry faces. I was very dizzy to understand what they were saying but the only word I managed to catch was “Quarantine”.
I woke up to find myself on a bed inside a room that contains the bed that I am on, a desk, a small TV and a table. The TV was hanging down from the ceiling. The desk had a notepad and a pen on top. There was a phone attached to the wall and there was a small chair under. I raised my upper body to realize that I am still attached to the IV. The room had a glass window which I could see the nurse desk and the hallway through it.
The nurse had noticed me in the room, so she wore a mask and came inside the room. She greeted me with compassionate voice saying, “Hello, my name is Elisa, and I am your nurse. I know it may feel a bit weird to be in this room alone. It is just the doctors have some concerns about your health status and they want to make sure everything is ok. Doctors are suspecting there is some kind of virus in your body that caused the bleeding. Doctors haven’t given any information about what kind of a virus, but I will let you informed. So, you will be here for awhile. Is there anything you want to ask me?”
I had so many questions in my mind. I had so many thoughts, but again. I was not feeling like talking to anybody. Even though I did not believe what the nurse said about “some kind of virus”, however; I didn’t bother to talk. All I said was, “I want books!” The nurse looked at me in wonder. Then, she nodded, saying, “Sure, what kind of books?” I answered, “Non-fiction, fiction, novels, science, or history, anything…” The nurse smiled and said, “I’ll be back with those books.” She left the room and came back after half an hour. She brought one book along with her. The book was “The Other Boleyn Girl” by Philippa Gregory. I read this book, and I liked it so much. As I was reading this novel I imagined myself as Mary Boleyn. I do not know why I felt like I knew this historical figure.
The nurse said, “Did you read this book? Sorry, this is all I found, but I promise I’ll bring more… You can watch TV for the main time.” I looked at her, and then I moved my gaze to the small TV. I never watched TV in my life. It just did not attract me. I have always been attracted to books and only books. “Thank you!” I said in a sharp voice. The nurse left me, and I could see her through the glass window talking to the other nurse over the desk. They both were looking at me.
Myself, I did not mind rereading The Other Boleyn Girl. It is a book that contains both fictional and historical events. Nothing is tastier than mixing the truth with fiction. It keeps the person thinking, whether if it really happened or not. I always liked to think and debunk the mystery by my own.
I was reading the book for three days. I usually don’t read that slow, but the occasional naps that I used to have because of the medication kept me away from finishing the book so fast. On the third day, I was about to finish the book, when he entered my room wearing the white mask. He was tall and middle-aged. Even though the mask was covering half of his face, but I could see the smile. He greeted me with a mannish voice saying, “Good day, Sally! I am Romeo, and I am in training nurse. You will be seeing me hear quite often. I hope I’ll be a good guest of yours.”
I looked at him with a smile, and that was the first time I give a smile to a man. It was also the first time in my whole life to start a conversation. I actually opened my mouth saying, “Romeo? As in Romeo and Juliet? By Shakespeare?” He started to laugh and said, “Yes, my mother was possessed with this story. She named me Romeo and named my younger sister Juliet!” I smiled again and said, “Your mother must be romantic.” He said while nodding, “I guess so, I don’t really know about this part.” Then, he grabbed my wrist in order to check my heart beat. He was wearing a glove in his hand but I could feel the softness of his skin even from behind the latex. He kept looking at his watch for awhile. Then, he said, “Your heart is beating fast. It is a good sign. You may be in love too.” He laughed. “I was joking about this part.”, he said in a whisper.
What happened to me? I never felt the same. I have met many men through out my life. I have talked to many men. I never felt the same. Why do I feel my heart throbbing? Why does my gaze follow his actions? I haven’t even seen his face. All I saw was a middle aged man, a tall man, dark eyes and dirty blond hair. I do not know! I do not care! I do care about this man is beside me right now.
“Oh, you are reading The Other Boleyn Girl? It is a good book. Have you watched the movie?” I came back from my dreamful moment and I said, “Is there a movie about this book?” He said with a voice a full of energy, “Oh, it is one of the best movies I ever watched. I mean if you like the novel, you should defiantly watch the movie. It is a must watch!” I said with wonder, “Really? May be I should rent it when I leave here.” He said, “You know what? Next time I come and visit you, I’ll bring it with me. I would like to hear your opinion. You also like to read, right? I learned that from the nurse. I will bring you some books too. I kind of have an idea now what kind of books you like.” I was looking at him and following his hand motion as if he was checking the IV. I just don’t know what happened to me. He looked at me saying, “Listen, I’ll keep you in mind, but I have to go now and check other patients. So, you take care and I’ll see you!” He grabbed my hand to shake it. Then, he left the room.
I put my head back on the pillow and I whispered with an amazed voice, “Oh my God!” Then, I left my upper body up and looked through the glass window. The two nurses were there looking at me. I do not care why they are looking, and I do not care what they are saying. All I care about is Romeo! This man who knocked off my feet and made me feel weird for the first time of my life. Did I get a crush on him? Did I like him? Did I love him? I really don’t know!
Three days have passed and I was waiting for Romeo to come and bring the movie and the books. Well, I did not really care about the movie or the books. I didn’t even finish the book I have since I saw Romeo. All I cared about was Romeo. Each time the door opened, I thought it was him. Each time I hear a knock, I thought it was him. One afternoon, he opened the door as he was saying, “Hey, Sally! Turn on the TV! The movie Channel has The Other Boleyn Girl on!” I opened my eyes widely, “Oh, really! Sure! now!” I grabbed the remote and I turned on the TV. I started to look through the channels. I have never bothered to look through the channels because simply, I do not watch TV. I did not know why I was doing this, but I was doing it. “Here, Stop!” He said. “This is the movie channel. The movie just started, five minutes ago. So we can set together and watch it.” I looked at his face with a big smile. He looked back at me and said, “Does it bother you to watch the movie with you?” I opened my eyes and said with an energetic voice, “Not at all. Grab the chair and set beside my bed. So, you can see clearly!” “Yes!” He Said, “Good idea!”
We were watching the movie with complete silence. This was the first time for me to set with someone and watch a movie. In every kissing scene, Romeo used to look at me to see my reaction. I used to look back at him and smile. I don’t know what he was thinking, but I was thinking if this could actually happen to me. Even though I haven’t seen Romeo’s complete face yet, but I do not mind to be lip to lip with him. Oh my goodness, I must have had lost my mind. What made me think of Romeo like this? I really don’t know!
After the movie was over, Romeo looked at me with eyes full of energy and shine. He said in his mannish voice, “Did you like the movie?” I looked back into his eyes and said, “It was amazing! I actually liked it better than the book. It is good to see the novel in motion.” He smiled at me and grabbed my hand saying, “You look lonely, Sally. Why is that?” I was amazed how I became an open book out of sudden in front of Romeo. I answered him in a soft voice, “I do not know! Through out my life, I enjoyed the company of myself. I have tried to break the walls but I couldn’t. It seems like nobody think like me and nobody will understand me if I start to say what I think.” “What do you think?” He said in a whispering tone. “I am afraid to express my feelings. Since I was a child and I have the fear of expression.”
He looked at me while he was putting more pressure on my palm. He said in a comforting tone, “There is nothing to be afraid of. You are a smart lady and I am sure there are many things in life you will like to express your feelings about.” I looked at him with silence. He tapped over my hand and stood up. “I have to go now.” He said. “I will see you soon though. I will bring you books and in case I get busy, I will ask one of the nurses to deliver them to you.” “Thank you!” I said in a soft voice. He left the room without looking back. I looked through the glass. Again, the two nurses were looking at me.
I had a good night sleep. The day after, I turned on the TV and I watched the news. I skimmed through the channels and I watched a black and white movie. It was something to kill the time with. I did not understand the movie much, because I was thinking of Romeo. I was still feeling the pressure of his fingers on my palm. I can still hear the whisper of his mannish voice. I can still see the shinning eyes looking back at me. This moment was cut by the nurse entry to the room. “Good afternoon, Sally! How are you today?” “Good!” I answered with one solid word. “I brought you some books. They are a special request for you!” “Are they from Romeo?” I asked with wonder. The nurse looked at me with smiley eyes. She left the books on the table and went out.
I grabbed the books with curiously. They were both historical fiction. One was The Duchess by Amanda foremen. The Second book was also by Philippa Gregory, Called: The Virgin’s Lover. I opened the first book, The Duchess, and I started to read the first page, when I looked up to the glass window. I saw Romeo walking by without glancing at my room. I threw the book and I ran to the glass window. The IV fell on the floor and my arm started to bleed. I ignored the blood and I start banging both hands against the glass screaming, “Romeo! Romeo!” The nurse ran toward the glass yelling, “What’s wrong?” I ran toward the door and I tried to open it. It was locked, so; I started to bang against the door screaming, “Let me out of here. Why do you keep me here? What’s wrong with me? I was in my apartment few days ago!” The two nurses opened the door and I fell down on the floor. I was bleeding from my arm. One of the nurses put gauze on my arm, while the second one pulled an injection. I yelled, “I am not taking any medicine. Nothing wrong with me! Leave me alone!” The nurse put me down and started to inject me on my upper arm. I slowly went on a deep sleep.
I woke up on a soft motion over my hand. It reminded me of my childhood when I used to make the ladybug run around my hand. I opened my eyes slowly to see Romeo sitting on the chair in front of the bed, holding my hand and moving his fingers slowly around my hand. “Did I wake you up?” He said in his whispering tone. “I was looking for you. I saw you passing by my room. You didn’t look at me.” I said in a sad voice. He looked at me for a second then he removed the mask with his other hand. I saw his face for the first time. He had a sharp nose and a small round mouth. I could see his features even though the room was dark. He said to me, “Why you created a chaos?” I looked at him saying, “Because I want to thank you!” He opened his eyes widely with a smile and said, “You created a chaos in order to thank me? Well, you are welcome…” I felt embarrassed for a moment, so I opened my mouth saying, “Actually, I wanted to see you! When you passed by my room and you didn’t glance at me, I felt very bad that I jumped off the bed and I started the chaos, as you claim.”
At this moment, he took my hand close to his mouth and kissed it. He looked at me and said, “I do want to see you too. Why do you think I spent over an hour watching a movie with you? Is it part of my job? I do not think so. It something inside me that made me feels this way toward you.” I gave him a big smile and said, “You know, this is the first time I feel like this. I spent all of my life lonely. This is the first time I express my feelings with somebody. I feel like I want to go ahead and start changing my life, but I can’t since I am under quarantine.” He looked at me with a serious face. Then he grabbed my hand again and kissed it. He smiled and said, “You will experience the new life soon. You will experience it along with me. I want to be with you, Sally!” I said in a complaining tone, “I want to go out!” “Shshshshhsh…let’s not talk about this now, OK! Why don’t you try to go back to sleep?” “I don’t want to.” I said, “I don’t want to sleep while you are here beside me!” “I will always remain beside you.” He said in a whispering voice.
He grabbed my hand again and kissed it. Then, he smiled while saying “You know this moment reminds me of a song. “A song?” I wondered. “Yes!” He replied. “A song by Aerosmith called, I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing!” “Is it a good song?” I asked. “Otherwise I won’t be remembering it right now!” he said. “Will you sing it?” He opened his eyes widely and opened his mouth for a moment before he said, “Well, I am not a good singer, but I’ll try!” “Please do try!” I said with a smile. He started to hum. Then, he sung in a deep voice:
“I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are
while you’re far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
Don’t want to close my eyes….”
At this moment, I jumped at him and I hugged him very tight. Then I looked at his face and I tried to get my lips close to his. He suddenly, placed the mask over his mouth and put his fingers over my lips. “I am sorry, but you have to get well.” He said in sad tone. “I understand!” I said it while, I was getting back to my pillow. We were both in complete silence, until I went into a deep sleep.
I woke up suddenly with a harsh pain in my head. I screamed so loud that three nurses came at the same time. I was moving around my bed yelling “Pain! Pain! I am in pain!” “It is going to be OK”, Elisa, the nurse said. At this time, three doctors came and started to examine me. I was bleeding through my nose and my ears. The blood was flowing continually. I was losing my blood, and the more blood I lost, the more the headache became. A few instruments were installed over my body. One was the heart monitor. I started to hear that breaking noise. I was my heart, but I didn’t care because I was in extreme pain. “Help me!” I screamed. The doctors were doing something, but I didn’t know what it was.
At this moment, Romeo entered the room and held my hand. “You will be fine.” He said in a cautious voice. “Do not leave me! Stay by me!” I yelled. “I will never leave you!” He said. “You don’t leave me. OK!” he continued. “I want to show you a lot of things in this life that you haven’t seen.” In a breaking voice; he said, “I want to kiss you. I want to hug you. I want to sleep with you. I want to wake up every morning and see you lying down beside me. I want to…” “Me too Romeo…” I interrupted, “I want to live the rest of my life with you. You can call me crazy for loving you in short period of time, but I love you…” At this moment, I heard the third nurse asking Elisa, “Who is she talking to?” I heard Elisa replying in a whisper, “She has always been talking to herself. Since the day she came to the hospital.” I forgot the pain for a second and I moved my gaze away from Romeo and I looked at Elisa. Then, in a weak motion I moved my gaze back to Romeo. There was nobody. The strength of his hand holding mine started to fade slowly, as my soul was leaving my body. I moaned in a sad voice, as the tears were falling down off my eyes. I wasn’t crying because I am dying. I was crying because Elisa woke me up from this wonderful dream. A dream that did give my lonely life a taste, while it was ending. A dream that made me love life and try to fight the past for a better future.
I closed my eyes to rest in peace. I took with me the true love to the unknown. To a journey that I do not know where it is going to end and when it is going to end. Again, who said you have to go and look for love? Love is already with us, even among the four walls…